Will Halo Reach keep it clean?

I’ve been finding a lot of games rather less fulfilling lately, and embarked on a period of soul-searching in order to figure out why.

Perhaps as I get older, I thought, I view the hours spent gaming not as an amusing way to pass the time, but as time wasted as I edge towards my demise. Maybe I have begun to consider each unlocked Achievement less as a badge of honour, more of a Real Life opportunity missed. If I gathered up all of the hours spend gaming over my life and dedicated them to education and experience, how many languages would I speak? How many musical instruments would I play? How many people would I have met who might have influenced and enriched my life?

Then I realised it’s none of that foolishness. It’s simply because game-making folk are relying on unlockables instead of gameplay in order to keep people playing.

RPGs started the ball rolling. Gaining XP, levelling up and unlocking new items and abilities make people feel as though they’re moving forward and making progress. But in a single-player RPG, you’re still heading towards completion of the game. The end is always in sight.

Enter the MMORPG. Enter World of Warcraft. While not the first game to use this method, nothing has done it so successfully before. No one reading this needs to be told about the this game’s reputation for pulling people in and keeping them there. What keeps people online is the promise of progression. But while levelling up has always been the core of the RPG experience, it has now become a staple in many more genres, particularly when it comes to online gaming. Why? Because it works. It keeps people playing.

The example leaping to most minds here will be the Modern Warfare games. CoD4 was, and still is, rather good. The maps were well designed, weapons were balanced and it was fun to play. And players knew that when the yellow bar at the bottom of the screen filled up they would advance a rank. Perhaps a new weapon or enhancement would become available.

Following the success of this, Modern Warfare 2 was positively bloated with unlockables. Lots of perks, dozens of weapons and hundreds of callsigns became available to those who would put in the hours. Most people agreed that the maps, although more detailed, were flawed. Weapons were imbalanced and gameplay just became tedious more quickly.

And yet people are still blistering their thumbs to get the last few ranks and callsigns. Unlockables have become the crystal meth of the gaming industry. The design itself can be sloppy, the gameplay dull and imbalanced, but your customers will keep coming back for that next hit. How many people can honestly say that they would have continued to play games like Modern Warfare 2 and Bad Company 2 if all of the content was available from square one? Is it the fun of playing that keeps you coming back for more? Or is it the buzz you get from big thumping “You’ve been promoted” noises and the clack-clunk-click of your newly unlocked machine gun being cocked and loaded?

One notable exception thus far is Halo. So far, online gamers have had all weapons available to the from the outset, and I hope Halo:Reach keeps it that way. The games have plenty of longevity in single player, co-op and online, and they do it with good gameplay and design, not by using drug-pusher tactics. Sure, there will be a few helmets and whatnot to gain, but I don’t want to have to spend hundreds of  hours of my life just so I can access all of the content on the disc. Keep it old fashioned, Bungie; I like your style.

Whatever happened to cheats?

If you take a process which makes sense, and then do the complete bloody opposite, it does not make sense. I think we can all agree on this. For example, if you had to fly to another country in order to obtain your passport, this would not make sense.

Back in the olden days, when consoles proudly announced they were “16-BIT” or could display 32,768 colours (only 256 simultaneous colours, though), there were also these little things called “cheats” built into the game. These cheats, as you might guess, enable you to cheat. A sequence of button presses at the title screen, playing the background music files in a certain order (how come you can’t do that anymore either?)  or jumping and ducking in a particular spot would unlock things like invincibility, infinite ammo, the ability to skip levels or jump higher.

These cheats were a rather good idea, partly because in the pre-web days you were well chuffed with yourself for finding one out by reading “Nintendo Power”, or better yet, because Patrick Moore told you on GamesMaster’s Consoletation Zone. But the best thing about cheats is that they could help you if you got stuck. Dara OBriein once pointed out that video games are probably the only medium in which, after spending £40, you may well get stuck only be able to play through the first five minutes. Cheats got around this by making life easier for you. It was fun and made sense.

Today, for some reason, in order to obtain infinite ammo or invincibility, you first have to complete the game. This, friends, is flying to another country to obtain your passport. It’s having to swim across a piranha-infested river to collect your boat. Guess what? If I somehow survived the river, I don’t need the bloody boat anymore.

“Congratulations, you have finished ‘Uncharted 2′, now you can do it again with unlimited grenades”. Why the hell do I want to? I already killed the baddy and chose the more boring, less attractive woman for some reason. Why would I want to do it again only easier? The game is done and I don’t want to do it again. This is like eating a plate full of old arseholes and being too full for the delicious dessert.

So, cheats at the start, not the end. And put the BGM and SFX sounds back in the menus.

Fin.

Project Natal “sick”, says Charlie Brooker

“No one over the age of 30 can buy it without feeling and looking like a paedophile.”

Paedo-gags aside, why would I want some bed-wetter throwing his crappy toys at me and trying to be my friend? Why would anyone? I can’t even imagine a child ever wanting to interact with a boy like Milo. He is the boy who got beaten up at school. The boy who would occasionally open his lunch-box only to be confronted with the sight of a pair of skid-marked underpants someone found in the changing-room. The boy no one likes.

What would be good, is if Microsoft have Milo behave according to the game which is in the Xbox. Think of the possibilities…

Final Fantasy XIII: Let’s go to a beautiful world and explore a rich and expertly woven plot (hopefully)

GTA IV: Are you ready for some violence? I want to go to a park and screw a hooker in a stolen car, then beat her to death with a bat, leaving her broken body to be found by children in the morning.

Rock Band: This game is so much more realistic if you binge on drugs and alcohol. I’ve got something for you to come down on, if you need it.

Resistance: This is clearly an anti-immigration metaphor. It’s cool, I’m learning how to be a racist at school.

DOA Extreme II: We both know why you bought this game. Don’t be ashamed, I’m with you on this one; computer boobs are still boobs. And yes, now that you mention it,  I also wish I was Kasumi instead of this pre-pubescent little bastard.

You’re welcome, Microsoft. I just saved you from wasting millions. You can thank me by building something which works most of the time, instead of just some of the time.

……………….

I just read back over this and disturbed myself by noticing a second interpretation for what a “paedo-gag” might be. I’m leaving it in the post anyway, though.

More Chaff from the Rumour Mill

Back in the days of magazines like Nintendo Power (see below), the video games mags were about video games. They contained articles and features such as upcoming releases, new technology, games guides, tips and cheats. They were actually about games.

As time rolls on, the style of the magazines we adored so much as children is being pushed aside by sensationalism and drama. These days, I find that in order to read about things which I genuinely find interesting, I have to pick between items such as an 11-page feature about the staff of an Icelandic developer, and “breaking news” reports from “industry insiders” revealing “the truth” about the future of gaming.

These special reports often turn out to be what can only be described as speculative bullshit. Look at this recent report from Edge Online. “Wii HD This Year”, it declares. “Oh how exciting,” you may be thinking. Or perhaps “I only just bought a black’un and now they’re going to make it obsolete. Up yours, Nintendo.”

That’s the idea of a headline. It grabs your attention, provokes an emotional reaction and entices you to read on. Then you see a big picture of a man with a cunning expression, looking at you as if to say: “I know things. Secrets. I will share them with you. Tell your people that you have a friend on the inside.”

So, you’re either drooling with excitement or brimming with rage. Your appetite is dripping whet. You feel special because you have a friend on the inside. You have four paragraphs to read. Four paragraphs of information to digest before calling your buddies or emailing Argos to see if you can pre-order a Wii HD.

Gosh, it sounds good, doesn’t it? “Wii HD”. It rhymes. It has no actual words in it. It’s gibberish, and yet everyone will know what you’re declaring when you stand in the playground and sing: “Look at me! See? I have a Wii HD!” Perhaps you could extend your poem to a second verse to taunt the unpopular children: “What’s that you say? You want to play? Nay! You are a gay.”

Calming yourself, you begin reading. This is what you learn:

Paragraph 1: Cunning Man tells you to “expect news on two different iterations of Nintendo hardware at some point in 2010.” Nothing useful.

Paragraph 2: You are told that Nintendo is working on a motion sensor for the DS. Nothing to do with the headline. Not the reason you chose to read the article. Not insider information as the paragraph itself confesses it has already been mentioned by Nintendo boss.

Paragraph 3: More stupid speculation on new DS which has already been announced. Cunning Man says that it would make sense as Nintendo haven’t done anything new for a while. Plus the iPod touch was quite good. You begin to wonder if the cunning is less about insider knowledge and more to do with the man’s success in passing himself off as someone who knows more than four fifths of F A. You continue to wonder why the subject of the headline is yet to be mentioned, despite having only one more sentence to read.

Paragraph 4: When asked what he believes will be the biggest surprise for the game industry this year, Pachter stated, “I think the biggest surprise will be the introduction of the Wii HD.”

That’s it. That’s the entire final paragraph, and everything that’s said about a new Wii.

That, Sir, is useless. It’s told you nothing. It’s bad journalism. Worst of all, it’s taking the piss out of the readers. How? Well look at this article, also from Edge Online. A Wii HD was predicted back in 2008.

Above: Simpler times.

An ODST special ending

I thought I’d add a video in the spirit of the Halo theme we have at the moment. We’d make our own vids, but this kind of thing keeps happening…